AMIRAH, a 25-year-old woman from Kano, has been battling feelings of loneliness for several months. She recently moved to Lagos because she got a job as an assistant executive producer in a big movie production company. This was the first time she would be away from her family for this long. Although she has her dream job and enjoys what she does, she cannot shake the constant feelings of aloneness. Her co-workers have also been very friendly to her, especially Bolanle, who consistently came over with a smile and always invited her to join some outings. The ladies in the office even added her to a private group chat where they discuss things outside work and send funny and playful messages. No matter what, Amirah just constantly felt lonely.
Although she tried to speak to her family as often as possible, it has been a real struggle. By the time she gets home from work, she is either too exhausted or it is too late at night to place a call to her family members.
She has stopped attending outings with her co-workers and has been having difficulty making friends. She has started to feel constant fatigue and stress, and the job she enjoyed so much now feels like a burden. She has thousands of friends on Facebook and other social media handles but hardly has the time to check updates, make posts or respond to them these days. Eventually, she warmed up to Bolanle and things began to feel better as she developed a bond of friendship with her and started exploring some fun places.
What is loneliness?
Loneliness is a universal human feeling that is nuanced and unique to each person. It is an adverse emotional reaction to perceived isolation. Loneliness is also known as social pain, a psychological mechanism that drives people to seek social interactions. It is frequently linked to an unwelcome lack of connection and intimacy.
Indeed, loneliness does not always imply being physically alone. You can be surrounded by people and still feel very lonely and isolated. And this can negatively affect your mental state.
Various reasons can cause loneliness. It can be attributed to internal factors such as low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, and an assumption that they are undeserving of other people’s attention or regard, leading to isolation and chronic loneliness. Personality traits could also play an impact. Introverts, for example, maybe less prone to develop and seek social interactions, which can contribute to feelings of loneliness and isolation.
Furthermore, loneliness can be acutely triggered when we move to a new school, new job or city or a new country. The elderly, especially when they lose their spouse and long-term partner, are also at increased risk of loneliness.
Loneliness may not be a bad thing in and of itself since many individuals experience it from time to time. However, problems can occur when feelings of loneliness become chronic. This means that a person constantly feels alone or isolated for long periods. It is at this point that it begins to threaten our emotional wellbeing.
Loneliness and our emotional wellbeing
Loneliness can have an adverse impact on your mental health, especially if it lasts for a long time. It is related to an increased risk of certain mental disorders such as depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, sleep problems, stress and anti-social behaviour. It also causes some persons to turn to alcohol and drug misuse, or hang out with any crowd, even if they know it is the wrong crowd – just to avoid being lonely. Indeed, in studies conducted among survivors of suicidal attempts, overwhelming feelings of loneliness (no one really understands me) is a recurring factor in most of the stories.
How to cope with loneliness
Strengthen existing relationships. Many lonely persons may be surrounded by loved ones. Do not alienate and withdraw from friends and family. Be intentional about reaching out to friends and family with whom you are comfortable. And even if you are not so comfortable, sometimes, all you need to do is to simply break the ice and things get better from there onwards. The more time you spend with the people you care about, the more you will realize that you are not alone.
Self-care is essential. When you’re feeling lonely, make sure you’re taking care of yourself in other ways. Self-care is always a good idea, but it’s essential when you’re feeling down. In the long run, eating nutritious foods, exercising, and getting adequate sleep may help to make you feel better.
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Join a social group. Joining a class or a group, whether an art class, a Whatsapp or Facebook group/page, a religious group, an exercise class, or a book club, inevitably exposes you to people who share at least one of your interests. Being surrounded by people who share your interests can help you feel less lonely. Instead of simply scrolling through social media, join one or two groups and become active and cultivate relationships.
Be the ray of sunshine for others. Be kind and nice to others. Show an interest in getting to know your classmates, colleague at work, new neighbour and so on. Offer a smile and a kind word. You may be the only ray of sunshine in their otherwise gloomy and lonely day/life.
Conclusion
We are social beings and social interactions are critical for our sustained wellbeing. Let us prioritise and be intentional about cultivating and nurturing it.
